Have you ever arrived at a place in your life where you were unsure of what to expect? You’re not alone. I’ve been at that crossroads a lot in this past year…
Being newly separated after 18 years of marriage has left me living alone for the first time in my adult life. To top that, I am currently learning how to navigate my life financially as a freelance artist and navigating family tensions. These experiences have left me unsure of many things I’ve thought to be certainties in the past.
While I could look at these challenges in my life as mountains, I’ve done my best to see them as opportunities to refine my soul and grow as a human being.
Growth Takes Time AND Intentionality
On my journey to growth, I often present myself with this question: “If you’re not growing, what are you doing?”
To me, growing isn’t an outward expression of constant striving. Instead, it is an internal search to find my truest self, center her, and BE her.
As I go inward and explore my true self, I remove all the ideologies, behaviors, beliefs, and processes adapted by previous versions of me from others I was surrounded and influenced by. (Some of these things were never mine but borrowed and often used as protective mechanisms.)
As I remove what isn’t and was never mine, my external road becomes more centered and clearer. As I travel through the precariousness of the unknown, catching clear glimpses of where I’m going has rendered me grateful and allowed me to continue looking forward.
Having Faith In A Time Of Uncertainty
My experience exploring the beautifully lush island of Trinidad for BrownStyle Magazine was filled with enchanting tastes, sights, sounds, and people. It was one of those windows of clarity. And you’ll never believe it, but it began with uncertainty. Let me explain.
To start, I was introduced to BrownStyle a few weeks before my travel opportunity and it was my first time traveling as a writer. Despite writing for as long as I can remember, outside of personal blogging, social media posts, and a brief stint writing for a church newsletter, I’ve never been published. Imposter syndrome reared its ugly head.
Would I be able to do this? Uncertainty flared. Was it possible for me to make my travel experiences relatable to readers? Uncertainty flared. I’m a woman, traveling alone. Uncertainty flared.
To top it all, my passport expired. The rush to get my passport expeditiously renewed began almost immediately. Would it come in time?
While many things attempted to keep me from the fullness of the experience, I chose instead to embrace uncertainty and as a result, I had the time of my life! (By the way, my passport came TWO days before I flew out.)
[SIDE NOTE: I have to pause here and give thanks that everything worked out beautifully. To learn about my 4-day experience, check my full recap: I Visited Trinidad Before My 40th Birthday— Here’s What I Gained From The Cultural Experience!]
Reflecting On My Experience In Trinidad
As I reflect on my trip to Trinidad this year, I realize how indebted I feel to Andrew Welch, owner and managing director of Banwari Experience Limited. The incredibly knowledgeable and humorous Trinidadian took us on a multiple-day tour of his beloved island, including stops through the Hills of Paramin and Lopinot, fishing adventures at Agua Viva, and tours through the Port of Spain capital.
It was Andrew who told us that “Uncle Sam & Sons” bake and shark at Maracas Bay Beach was one of the best on the island. Andrew was not mistaken. It was possibly one of my favorite meals I experienced on the island, although it’s hard to say because the food everywhere we went was simply delicious.
If you’ve never had bake & shark before, imagine a fluffy warm, oversized biscuit with undertones of coconut, loaded with piping hot fried, savory fish. To me, the taste was akin to fried whiting but better. Take that and layer it with the sweetness of finely sliced pineapple, tangy garlic sauce, and other optional toppings and you’ll have what Trini calls bake & shark.
As Andrew toured us over the island, I began to settle into the window of clarity I mentioned earlier. The experience helped open a door of possibility that I had only dared to dream of before.
By the third night in Trinidad, I remember settling into my bed and journaling about my experience. The opening line of that entry read: “Life is a constant teacher.” I sat on my hotel bed in tears.
Finding My Groove As A Writer
I won’t pretend that I’ve figured out life post-separation or as a full-time artist. I won’t pretend that my familial struggles have abated. I will however say that I am finding windows of clarity in these experiences that life is affording me. I am learning to trust myself more each day.
However, I have affirmed that I am a writer and this opportunity was presented to me because I am and always have been, that. For many years, my writing has been mine. It has nestled my heart and given me courage, perspective, and deeper self-realization. But a light was not meant to be hidden.
I hope to continue to say “yes” to life and myself despite the uncertainties. That is also my hope for all of us. May we continue to trust in ourselves and our innate creative gifts and abilities.
May we continue to use our voice, art, experiences, and talents to inspire, motivate, and show others the riches that exist in our environment, the world around us, and our internal world.
Special thank you to Visit Trinidad for hosting me in your lovely country.
