As Women Of Color, so many of us are taught that self-care doesn’t exist, healing is a hoax, and we must worry about our life’s progression (not our self-progression).
Ms. Chianti Lomax invites you to rethink these erroneous beliefs in her recently published book, Evolving While Black (Buy On Amazon).
Written with Black women in mind, the transformative guide confronts the narrow perspectives of traditional self-care and mindfulness practices. In the book, Lomax delivers thought-provoking lessons on how to live your happiest and most authentic life by focusing on personal growth and self-love.
Ahead, read my take on the topics that spoke to my heart and inspired me to reflect on how I can evolve and be the best version of myself.
Where Do I Start On My Self-Growth Journey?
In reading Evolving While Black (EWB) it is safe to say Lomax understands that many of us struggle with starting the physical and mental journey of personal growth. Thankfully, she lays it all out on the table for us.
According to the renowned life coach, a self-growth journey can look different for a lot of people. Some people turn to books and classes to empower them with new skills to grow while others lean on social media for inspiration. None of those options are wrong, but according to Lomax, it is how we go into them that may be hindering our personal growth.
We go in with the mindset that the self-growth journey will be sunshine and rainbows, while not properly acknowledging the issues we face. We repress our issues, feelings, and even our mental state so often that they have become foreign to us.
Lomax explains that our growth will never be a clear path and it will be an emotional imbalance. So let’s start with the first step, accepting our reality.
Lomax emphasizes in her book that the journey may not be easy and you may want to give up, but the results will benefit your life in ways you never thought it could.
Am I Hindering My Own Growth?
During my time reading EWB, I kept coming back to this question: Am I hindering my own growth? People never want to admit that they are the problem because we are quick to blame and slow to take accountability. We’d rather live with the delusion of “I can’t be the problem.”
This book reminded me that in the Black community, many of us are raised to believe that society is against us. That statement holds some truth to it, but we’ve accustomed ourselves to living life in that state of mind. It’s easier to blame others, but let’s tell the truth and shame the devil. Sometimes we are the problem. Once you acknowledge that, you are on your way to becoming self-aware.
What Is Self-Awareness And How Do I Gain Mine?
Self-awareness starts with being open and honest with yourself as well as others. To sum it up, Lomax describes self-awareness as seeing your strengths and weaknesses in its truth/entirety in order to recognize the impact it has on your actions. Take a moment and read that again.
Now you also may be asking, what does being self-aware have to do with my personal growth? I’m going to give it to you like Lomax gave it to me. Without self-awareness, our vision is clouded from seeing things/situations for what they really are.
Imagine us putting ourselves in a bubble, but the bubble is foggy. We walk around in this hazy bubble that obscures our vision. It’s our way of dissociating from our problems. By choosing self-awareness, you’re able to get to the root of where you go wrong, how to fix it in a healthy manner, and how to hold yourself accountable.
Being self-aware does not mean beating yourself up. It is simply considering how you can make your situation better.
Start with your past and examine your history. How have you reacted to your problems, what sets you off, what has been your coping mechanisms, and so on? Self-reflection is a primary key to understanding which areas need work in your growth.
Be truthful in your self-examination because this is where you dump the old part of you. Too many times we are afraid of the truth because of what others will think. What I’ve come to terms with while reading EWB, is that this is for me, not anyone else. The more acquainted you get with your own awareness, the more doors it will open for your growth.
Do I Have The Right Mindset?
If you’re anything like me and have struggled with having the right mindset, this book is for you. Lomax teaches that in order for us to succeed in almost anything, our mindset is half the work.
Our mindset essentially impacts our decisions, relationships, and everyday occurrences. Whatever mindset you take into your situations will breed its outcome. Positive mindsets breed positive outcomes; negative mindsets breed negative outcomes—aka the “Self-fulfilling Prophecy.”
What Is The Different Between Having A Positive V.S. Negative Mindset?
Our brains are hardwired to be able to find solutions to our problems.
In the book, Lomax shares her personal experience with adjusting her own mindset to not be a hindrance, but instead a help. I find that extremely relatable, even as I write this article.
Do you tend to lean more toward negative thoughts or positive thoughts? Here are my takeaways from the book.
✨ Positive Minds
The biggest misconception when it comes to a positive mindset is that positive people never let anything get to them. Wrong!
We are all human, and at the end of the day, we all have the same feelings and emotions. It’s just how we choose to react to those feelings that make the difference.
A positive outlook on your life, on others, or on your situations, gives you an advantage in life. Making the best out of bad situations creates a safe space for not only yourself but for those in your life.
✨ Negative Minds
Negativity has more impact than we give it credit for. When we are constantly in that state of mind, it steals any ounce of ambition. When we feel let down by life’s circumstances, negativity enters the room to only heighten those feelings and ultimately leave us feeling down.
Where Do I Go From Here?
I encourage everyone to read Evolving While Black by Chianti Lomax if you want to begin your healing journey to become a healthier person. It helps that the book features chapter check-ins, grace reminders, and Lomax’s reflection invitations to help make the experience smoother.
Good luck on your healing journey, sis.
