“Wait, I just saw you last week.”
“What did I miss?”
“When did you get married?”
“How did I not see this?”
These were just some of the comments I was bombarded with a few days after I gave birth to my second-born child and decided to share the news with my social media communities. My pregnancy wasn’t a secret, I just chose to keep it private (unless you saw me in person).
Living in the age of social media, some of us have built public personalities and personas based on what we share and post. Luckily, my public persona is the same as my private, so I never have to change a thing about myself, what I do, or how I live.
In 2015, 90% of my life had been highlighted on social media. The world constantly received an update on my life. This included milestones like graduating with a master’s, starting businesses, writing books, speaking engagements, and traveling the world. It also included the highs of success and the lows of mental illness.
When I share on social media, no matter what it is, I do so to empower, motivate, and inspire others. However, when I learned that I was expecting (13 years after my firstborn), my first inclination was to keep it close. I decided that the only people I’d tell were those who needed to know. And so, outside of family and close friends, I told no one for months. I’m glad I did it that way.
Navigating My Pregnancy Without The Pressure Of Social Media
Naturally, when it finally settled in my spirit that I was starting over, I had to take a few long moments to process. How would this new baby cause me to alter my life? Would I still be able to travel? Would my daughter hate being a big sister? Do I even remember how to change a diaper? Needless to say, I spent nine months processing.
Had I made the news public before then, I would have regretted it.
Keeping my pregnancy private was like having a huge moment planned on DND (Do Not Disturb). It allowed those closest to me to show up for me and it kept spectators from being able to create their own narratives. Allow me to explain!
✨ Privacy Allowed Me To Connect With Myself, My Baby, And God
The “Do Not Disturb” feature is God’s gift to me. Seriously. My business phone stays on DND allowing me to dictate when I want to lean in and lean out. This allows me to focus more on being present in the moment without a text notification distracting me or a slew of spam calls taking me out of my element.
For nine months, DND was my mantra. I focused on how I felt in my body. I had daily conversations with my growing baby. And I was in constant communication with God asking for clarity and strength.
Sometimes it’s necessary to silence the noise in a bigger way so that you can go within and get settled. I knew my health (mentally, emotionally, and spiritually) depended on my commitment to not allowing the world to disturb my process.
✨ Privacy Allowed Me To Be Intentional
I can admit, at times it was hard not telling everybody the news. However, the majority of my close family didn’t find out until the month I was set to deliver.
Those who knew (family, friends, co-workers, and my teams) were amazing. They prayed with and for me, checked in on me constantly, allowed me space to breathe and process, and held space for excitement to grow over time.
Truth is, ya girl was SCARED!
When I had my daughter, I was 20. My body was young then. I was carefree and fearless then. Being pregnant at 34 made me realize my 20-year-old body is a thing of the past! My body had gone through a few changes. I grew to be more cautious and thoughtful about my decisions.
Sharing how I felt with those closest to me was refreshing. It’s like we had an inner joke going on for months. And it just felt good not to have to share and explain everything to everybody.
✨ Privacy Allowed Me To Protect My Peace
When I went to Bali at 20 weeks pregnant, I had to let the group I went with know just in case. It proved to be a good decision because I got sick the first full day there (that’s a story for another day).
Private doesn’t mean secret. It just means if you don’t know, you’re not meant to know. And that’s okay.
Keeping my pregnancy news private kept the spectators away. You know, the people who know you but don’t know you for real. The people who stay in your stories but never react or engage. The folks who have private conversations about public news. The ones who watch but can’t and won’t do anything to show support in any way. Those folks.
Not that I think that it’s people’s MO to be nosey, but I know human nature is what it is. I needed to be surrounded with genuine intentions, not superficial attention.
How I Made My Big Announcement
When I finally announced on social media that my son had been born on 11/29/24, I did so with a link to our baby registry. When someone congratulated me, I thanked them and reminded them that the registry link was open.
As a salesperson at heart and by trade, I know that folks don’t buy because they aren’t ever invited to buy. I used the news as an opportunity for those who didn’t need my business services to support me in a different way. Those who really wanted to support me used the registry link.
If I could go back and change my decision to keep that season of my life private, I wouldn’t. My life felt peaceful in multiple ways during the entire pregnancy— even the delivery was smooth, quick, and complication-free.
Now that I’ve experienced that level of ease, I’ll never go back to the way it was before.
Editor’s Note: This story has been edited and condensed for clarity.
By BrownStyle Magazine in Special Editions
72 pages, published 1/17/2025
