Life after divorce can be stressful. This is especially true if you don’t have support. Licensed therapist Rene Mondy knows firsthand the experience of trying to find yourself again after a breakup, which is why she’s dedicated her career to making the uncertain time less daunting for others.
“I help people learn to trust themselves again and set healthier boundaries through individual and group therapy,” Mondy tells BrownStyle Magazine exclusively when asked about her 15 years of experience counseling women through breakup, divorce, and separation. “Overcoming similar challenges helped me recover from my divorce over ten years ago.”
The expert’s compassionate approach has helped countless women navigate the different stages of breakups: 1) the initial decision to separate, 2) the heartache of the process, and 3) the creation of a new, successful beginning.
Rene Mondy also founded Dear John The Box, a helpful resource for women who want to confidently embrace their next chapter after a breakup, divorce, or separation.
Do you or someone you know need help finding happiness at the end of a messy divorce? Look no further. We spoke to Mondy for her expert advice on transitioning into a single lifestyle with peace of mind.
Begin The Healing Process After A Messy Divorce— Start With Releasing Yourself From The Guilt!
It’s common to feel guilty or like a failure after a divorce. The key is to prevent these feelings from causing a setback on your divorce healing journey. This starts with being self-aware.
“In my recovery, keeping a journal for tracking my mood throughout the day helped me become more self-aware and recognize patterns when I felt overwhelmed or exhausted. It also helped me identify situations that impacted me negatively. In turn, I was able to find resources of support for things I could not avoid,” Mondy shares.
Pull Out Your Journal— And Get Ready To Do The Work…
Next, ask yourself who you want to be after a divorce. According to Mondy, doing this can help you identify your new brand of creativity, which can help you find your new purpose.
To get started, the therapist suggests getting a journal and writing down your honest thoughts and opinions. She notes, “The goal is to appreciate the progress and show up as your authentic self.”
In a journal finish the following statements:
- I dislike feeling…
- I aspire to feel…
- I have concerns about…
- I own that I…
- I want to always remember…
- I release the following that no longer serves me…
- I receive the following that energizes me…
Let Self-Care Be Your Peace — Staying Busy Is A Good Idea!
According to Mondy, self-care goes far beyond bubble baths and salon trips. Although she says they are helpful, she highly suggests finding daily activities that bring you joy. She suggests considering the following:
- Add humor to your day. Whether it’s spending time with your bestie or watching a show/movie that leaves you in stitches, be intentional about creating lighthearted moments in your life. “Laughing not only lightens the mood, but the sequencing of jokes and storytelling can also help articulate your point of view,” she shares.
- Find a new hobby. Hobbies allow us to tap into our creativity and help to build confidence. “I have seen phenomenal changes happen when women embrace a hobby during a breakup,” she notes, adding most women find joy in activities that showcase new talents.
- Make your health a priority. During a breakup, our body can often experience changes that impact our mood and well-being. Some of these changes can go undetected, so Mondy recommends regular check-ins with a nutritionist and exercise coach during this time. “During my divorce journey, I recall developing a workout and new vitamin regimen to help combat fatigue and weight gain. It worked wonders in my healing process,” she reveals.
Turn To Your Tribe — That’s What Friends Are For…
Friends have a significant impact on our healing journey after a breakup. They often provide us with valuable support as a sounding board for sharing ideas. (Although conversations with friends can be helpful, Mondy cautions that friends may filter information through their perspectives.)
Mondy recommends these fun ways to cultivate meaningful connections with friends during this time:
- Develop affirmations together. Mondy encourages us to say what we desire out loud by using affirmations based on what we desire on this healing journey. Dear John The Box! offers an after-divorce registry that allows friends to add an affirmation or related fun memory to items on the registry to make the experience more meaningful.
- Try a new recipe together. According to Mondy, cooking with a friend helps us relax, bond, and shift our focus away from the heaviness caused by divorce. It can be a great way to lighten the mood for a few hours.
- Exercise together. Mondy suggests working out with friends to accomplish physical healing and strengthen your bond.
Live In The Moment— And Give Yourself Grace!
According to Mondy, self-doubt can be the number one distraction for someone who’s recently gotten divorced. When dating after a breakup, the expert says it is extremely important to remain spiritually and emotionally grounded.
“Throughout the date, be mindful of times when you’ve become too judgmental, such as overly fixating on the date’s words and your own,” Mondy recommends. “Bring your focus back to the current moment— the smell of the air, the meal you’re enjoying, or the music softly playing in the background. Feel the ground beneath your feet, and take a few deep breaths. Give yourself time to connect with your body, mind, and soul.”
To learn more about Dear John The Box, visit dearjohnthebox.com.
